


The Furry Dilemma

by rasputinian



Category: LISA (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, brad is a normie, it's silly but it's mine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 14:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9076573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rasputinian/pseuds/rasputinian
Summary: *I roll through the door frantically trying to control a tiger man* OLATHE IS FULL OF FREE FURRIES.





	

**Author's Note:**

> happy hanukkah here's some dumb bullshit

The night after Nern leaves, Brad can’t stop thinking about why. Sure, he and Brad had never been particularly close; Nern had stated on multiple occasions that Brad was a boring conversation partner, and Brad had said that perhaps he wouldn’t be if he could get a word in edgewise. Of course, Nern hadn’t heard him. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling, a hollow knocking in his chest, that overcame him when he woke up that morning to find him gone.

It didn’t make sense. As far as combat went, he and Tiger Man could more than carry the team, and he had plenty of other friends that would be willing to help him out. Brad tries to rationalize grieving for someone he didn’t even like that much, comes up with little reasons. Nern was a valuable member of the team. He could hold his own in a fight. But, that night, as he sits by the fire, watching Terry and Garth as they sit beside their pack and whisper to one another, realization dawns upon him like a cracked rib. Nern was one of the first people to ever agree to help him find Buddy. If Nern could leave, what was keeping Garth or even Terry from leaving? He tries to calm himself, tell himself that it wasn’t possible. He’d paid Garth to come with them. It was a commission, right? And Terry, Terry was his friend. They’d stayed up late together. Brad had saved his life. That couldn’t be undone so easily.

Terry looks up at him, something odd in his eye, and looks back to Garth, says something quiet.

_Could it?_

No, no, it wouldn’t. Brad would have to convince them to stay. He stands up, walks over to where Garth and Terry sit. As he approaches, their conversation peters out, and Terry smiles up at him politely.

“Oh, hey, Brad,” he says, but he sounds uncomfortable, maybe even nervous. Brad’s heart races, and uncertainty bubbles up in his throat.

“You guys aren’t leaving too, are you?” he asks, and even he can hear how pathetic he sounds.

“What?” Terry asks, waving his hands in a little X shape. “Oh, no, no, no!”

“Nah, we’re just doin’ a little gossipin’,” Garth says, and there’s a grin in his voice.

“About who?” Brad asks, settling down on the ground beside them. Terry and Garth look at each other, a knowing smile on Terry’s face, and the ache in Brad’s chest is replaced by something pointed and sly. “What’s up?”

“You tell him, Garth,” Terry says, laughter looming in his voice.

“You’re the one who asked in the first place.”

“Yeah, but, like-“ Terry’s voice grows higher and louder with every word. “You’re the one who-“

“Shh,” Garth whispers, and he looks pointedly at Tiger Man, curled in the grass just alongside the fire pit. “You’re gonna wake him up.” Terry covers his mouth and waits a moment, searching for any sign that Tiger Man might be awake. When he does not move, Terry turns back to Brad and begins again, hunching his shoulders when he speaks as if it would keep his voice low.

“We were just wondering if Tiger Man was, well, you know…” He motions for Brad to fill in the blank.

“Gay?” Brad asks.

“A furry.” Brad cocks his head.

“What do you mean, ‘a furry?’” he asks. Terry’s brow furrows. Garth’s eye narrows.

“Friend, are you sayin’ you don’t know what a furry is?” Garth asks. Brad nods, and Terry and Garth reconvene, silently determining the best way to explain the situation. Again, it’s Terry who speaks. Brad can tell he’s thinking hard by the way he glances upward as if scouring his brain for the right words.

“Well, there are different kinds of furries. There are, like, furry enthusiasts, and there are real deal furries. Like, there are guys who really like anthro art and stuff, and, then, there’s, like, animal people.”

“What’s anthro?”

“Jesus Christ, Brad, have you gone on the internet once in your life?” Terry asks, astonishment rising, loud, in his voice. “You know, like anthropomorphic animals. Cartoon animals walking around on two legs and talking and stuff.”

“Like Lola Bunny,” Garth adds. Terry shrugs.

“Yeah, but Lola Bunny is, like, a furry for people who aren’t into furry stuff. If we wanna go deep into the heart of the issue, we’re talking, like, old school Disney Robin Hood.” Brad gives a tentative nod; he vaguely remembers _Space Jam_ and _Robin Hood_ as something some faceless adult had put on for him when he was a kid, real little, maybe even before Lisa was born, but he hadn’t seen them in years even before the Flash. “Anyway, there are people who are really into art of those kinds of characters, furries, and-”

“I’ve actually got some,” Garth says, flipping through his sketchbook.

“And some of it is porn, but not all of it!” Terry says, as if trying to beat Garth to the punch, but it’s too late. Garth holds out a drawing of a busty rabbit bent over the lap of a fox in a business suit, his hand high in the air as if he were about to spank her. The rabbit is in a cop hat and button down, but her bottom half is bare with an ass like two planets colliding, and Brad can see the outline of a gargantuan, knotted schlong pressed against the fox’s trousers. All in all, it’s one of the most tasteful things Garth has ever drawn.

“Jesus,” Brad says, squinting at the drawing. He can’t tell if his eyes are going bad or if he simply does not understand why anyone would want to fuck a rabbit.

“You’ve never seen anything like this? Never?” Garth asks, giving the sketchbook a little shake.

“Nope,” Brad answers.

“For real?” Terry asks. “Where were you in the mid-2000s, dude? Furries were everywhere, and not just on the internet. I walked into a furry convention completely on accident one time.”

“I guess I was training,” Brad says. He slowly begins to realize his memories of the mid-2000s are very blurry, and he starts to wonder what percentage of those years he spent drunk, high, or some combination of the two. Or maybe he’s just getting old. “Or something. I don’t remember any of this.”

“I feel like we led very different lives,” Terry says. Brad nods.

“What’s the appeal though? No offense, Garth, but why does anyone want to jerk off to that?” Brad asks. Terry shrugs and again gets that thoughtful look on his face.

“I don’t know, man. It’s kinks. Some people like feet. Some people like clowns. Some people like big knees. Some people like furries. It’s a huge market though, or at least it was.” Before Brad can figure out exactly what Terry means by “big knees,” Garth leans in and rubs his thumb over the tips of his fingertips, big money.

“Yep. Let me just say, you draw a cat with big titties, and you’re rolling in that furry dough.” Brad wrinkles his nose at the phrase “furry dough”. “And some of them dress up in the suits, the-“

“Fursuits, but that’s not-“ Terry rushes to save Garth from some terrible furry faux-pas, but Brad leans closer to hear the rest of his sentence.

“-and it gets like freaky Disneyland up in here. I’m talkin’ Chip on Dale. Huey, Dewey, and Screwy.”

“That’s a murrsuit, and it’s a totally different thing, but it does bring us to the topic of this hot gossip.” Terry gestures back to Tiger Man, still sleeping soundly. “Like, you see what we’re saying? Is Tiger Man a furry, or is he a _furry_?”

“Is he a real tiger, or is he just wearing a suit?” Brad asks.

“Right.” Brad squints in thought, but, as he goes over the facts, he becomes less and less sure of what to think.

“This raises so many questions,” he says. “Is Fly a furry?”

“I don’t think so?” Terry says, but he looks over to Garth for a second opinion.

“Yeah, I think he’s goin’ for more of a cartoon villain angle.”

“I think Geese is a furry though. You ever notice how his mouth doesn’t move when he talks? It’s totally a fursuit,” Terry says.

“Does it still count as a furry if he’s a bird?” Brad asks. Terry shrugs.

“I think it still falls under the furry blanket.”

"So then is Carp a furry?”

“Carp is definitely the real deal. I touched his weird, slimy head one time.”

“Well, Tiger Man doesn’t talk, so we can’t make a judgement about the mouth thing yet. Have you tried touching his head? See if it feels like the real thing?” Brad suggests, and Terry gets a curious look on his face, unsure of why he hadn’t tried that yet.

“If it’s a fursuit, we can try and take the head off,” Garth says.

“Guys, no, we can’t. That would be, like, a major violation of privacy. If he wants to wear a fursuit, it’s his prerogative,” Terry says, but it’s a weak protest. But, as his gaze holds on Tiger Man, the dying fire, curiosity takes hold. “Just a quick look maybe.”

Brad gets up, and the other two trail after him as they approach the fire. They circle around Tiger Man’s sleeping form until they stop in a loose bunch around his head, staring down at him. Brad kneels down for a closer look, and Garth and Terry follow suit.

“His eyes are closed,” Brad whispers.

“There are some good-ass fursuits out there, Dude. You can totally close the eyes on one,” Terry replies. “Garth, you shift it.”

“I’m gonna see if it comes off.” And, with his thumb and forefinger, Garth gingerly sorts through the folds of Tiger Man’s shawl, looking for any indication that the massive tiger head is a mask. Terry grabs Garth’s arm.

“No, just shift it like a wig. See if it moves.”

“I don’t want to touch him!” Garth hisses. “He’s gonna wake up!”

“He won’t wake up if you do it real quick,” Terry says. “Watch. You just gotta-“ But, as he reaches out, Tiger Man’s eyes flash open, glowing, amber, in the light of the fire, and Terry jumps a good three feet backwards. “H-hey, Tiger Man!” he says, the panic in his voice coming out as a strained laugh. Tiger Man doesn’t answer. “We were just-“ he begins, but he falters, unsure of the polite way to say they were checking to see if his head was real.

“Checking your pulse,” Garth finishes, and Terry glares at him for a split second before he remembers Tiger Man’s gaze and corrects it into a concerned nod.

“We thought you were dead,” Terry adds. “But you’re not, so that’s great!” Tiger Man stares at him, silent, unblinking. Garth nods.

“Congrats on not being dead,” he adds. “Come on, guys. Let’s let the man sleep.” He pushes himself up and makes his way back to the space beside their packs.

“Right! Sorry for waking you, Dude!” Terry says before following suit and leaving Brad, alone, with Tiger Man. Tiger Man turns, his gaze meeting Brad’s, and the two hold eye contact for a long while, silent. His amber eyes narrow, reopen, a slow blink. Brad glances to where Terry and Garth wait, watch. They’ve broken out the whiskey. Brad looks back to Tiger Man. He’s still staring.

“Congrats,” he says. He stands up and makes his way towards Terry and Garth, but he can’t help but look back over his shoulder. Tiger Man watches as he walks away, and he only looks away when Brad has already settled down alongside Terry. Terry hands him the bottle without making eye contact, and Brad takes a swig, heavy and bitter. He glances upward to Garth, then to Terry. They both watch Tiger Man out of the corners of their eyes. He’s lying down again, eyes closed, but it’s a long time until someone speaks again.

“Real?” Brad asks, not looking up.

“Real,” the other two reply. The night settles into silence or at least what passed for it in the wasteland, distant insects and night birds. Brad hands the bottle to Garth, who passes it along to Terry without taking a sip. Brad wonders if he can drink in the mask… Wait, is it a mask? Brad files that question away for another day; he’s had enough masks for the night, but, still, he can’t help but look back to Tiger Man, his ear twitching in his sleep.

 

“So,” Brad begins, “…Is Harvey a furry?”

**Author's Note:**

> hi im out of school so i have time to write again expect more lisa soon
> 
> luv ya xoxo


End file.
